Who is a Friend?
A true friend is another
person who wants for you to be close to God. He wants the best for
you. He is there for you. He encourages you to love and obey God. If
you have to disobey God in anything in order to get someone to like
you, then THEY ARE NOT YOUR FRIEND.
David and Jonathan's
friendship is an example of true friendship. Jonathan's father was
Saul, the first king of Israel. Jonathan was next in line to the
throne. But it was more important to him to obey God than to desire
even all of the money and power that go along with being the king.
God had said that David would be king, and would replace Saul,
because Saul had sinned greatly against God, to the point where God
had said He would remove him and replace him with someone who was
better than him, and that person was David. Not a person who was
worth more – every person has the same value and worth, but a
better person – someone who was a man after God's own heart.
Jonathan was also very obedient to God, but to make Jonathan the next
king would have looked like God approved of the way Saul had acted as
king. Jonathan watched out for David's life, even when his own father
was trying to murder David, because Jonathan loved God more than he
loved anyone else or anything, and because he was a true friend to
David. A person who chooses to be godly intentionally gravitates
toward other people who are godly. He chooses his friends and he
chooses them wisely; he doesn't let other people choose him, and he
chooses his friends carefully. He would rather be alone than to be
with bad people. He doesn't just hang around with whatever people
show that they want to hang around with him. He is wise and doesn't
trust people unless and until they prove themselves trustworthy. When
he finds a true friend, he is loyal to them, but his first allegiance
is always to God.
“Faithful are the
wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.” -
Proverbs 27:6
This verse means that a
true friend will tell you the truth, and tell you what you need to
hear, even if it hurts you, because he is a faithful friend and he
truly loves you. Friends of the same gender sometimes used to kiss
each other on the cheek as a greeting, and it was not sexual in
nature, just as Judas Iscariot kissed the Lord Jesus in the Garden of
Gethsemane. An enemy may flatter you, and may say things to you and
about you that you like, but they are grooming you for something very
evil. They are buttering you up in order to use you. They don't love
you. They don't even care about you. Break off that fake friendship
right now, no matter what happens or no matter what you think may
happen. The flattery of a fake friend, who is actually an enemy, is
deceitful. They are deceiving you for an evil reason. You can't
imagine or figure out what they are really planning, but it will hurt
you to be a part of it. Sometimes, we think that the people who love
us hate us, and that the people who hate us love us, because the
world, the flesh, and the devil are always speaking to us even
without our permission. We can hear them, and we don't have to seek
them. They seek us out. “Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your
adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking
someone to devour.” - 1 Peter 5:8 God is always a gentleman. He
doesn't force His way into your life. You can also hear Him, but you
have to seek Him. He is never far from you, but you have to cultivate
and develop a desire to have a relationship with Him, because it
doesn't come naturally. We naturally gravitate toward sin, but we can
choose – make a decision – to love, obey, and follow God, and we
can do it, with His help. You have to seek God, but He promises that
we WILL find Him IF we search for Him with all our heart. “You will
seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.” -
Jeremiah 29:13. “And without faith it is impossible to please Him,
for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a
rewarder of those who seek Him.” - Hebrews 11:6. Soon, I plan to do
a Bible study on how all of us have been hurt just by living in a
sinful world, and in our sin nature, we think that it's okay to
self-medicate with sinful things, but that's it's weird to hunger and
thirst after God, even though He commands us to do so. We need to
decide to long for, pant after, God, and decide not to think it's
weird, but accept that it's God's will. That's what the theme of that
Bible study will be.
“A perverse man spreads
strife, and a slanderer separates intimate friends.” - Proverbs
16:28
It is ONLY a perverted
person who spreads strife; a person who loves God seeks peace and
pursues it. Slander is speech that meets two conditions: 1) it harms
the reputation of another person, and 2) it is not true. Someone who
says things about you that hurt your reputation and are not true is
NOT your friend. Don't let him separate you from your true friends,
and especially from your best friend – God.
“He who conceals a
transgression seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates
intimate friends.” - Proverbs 17:9
A real friend doesn't
tell everyone every time you do something bad. There is a time to
deal with some sins publicly, but sometimes it's the right thing to
do to conceal it in order to save the reputation of your friend.
Someone who tells every bad thing YOU'VE ever done can separate close
friends, if the friends allow it to separate them. Notice that this
person doesn't go around telling everyone about all of the sins that
HE'S committed.
“A friend loves at all
times, and a brother is born for adversity.” - Proverbs 17:17
A true friend loves you
all of the time. You need to do a word study in the Bible on the best
and highest kind of love: agape
love – the kind of love that God has for all of us, and the kind of
love with which we should love each other, and with which we CAN love
each other, with God's help. This kind of love is a CHOICE, and it
doesn't depend on emotion, or how the other person is acting. You
always love them, no matter what. You may have to back away from them
if they are pulling you into a lifestyle of sin, but you still love
them, and you show it if and when you can, and you keep on praying
for them. False friends run away when trouble comes, but a true
friend is always there for you, even in adversity.
“A man of too many
friends comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a
brother.” - Proverbs 18:24
A person with a lot of
false friends comes to ruin. There is such a person as a true friend,
who sticks closer to you even than some brothers, who aren't true
friends.
“Wealth adds many
friends, but a poor man is separated from his friend.” - Proverbs
19:4
If you're rich, then
there will be lots of people who want for you to believe that they're
you're friends, and act like your friends. Be sober-minded, and only
trust people as much as they prove that they can be trusted. Don't
withhold a measure of trust from one who has proven that he is
trustworthy. Always be willing to lose a friend in order to obey God.
If you're poor, then you may not have the money to get to see your
friend, because of distance or whatever.
“Many will seek the
favor of a generous man, and every man is a friend to him who gives
gifts.” - Proverbs 19:6
You don't have to be rich
to be generous. Use earthly wealth to gain friends for yourself, so
that you can influence them for God (Luke 16).
“All the brothers of a
poor man hate him; how much more do his friends abandon him! He
pursues them with words, but they are gone.” - Proverbs 19:7
True friends stick with
you, whether you're rich or poor. If you're a true friend, then you
stick with your true friends, whether they're rich or poor.
“He who loves purity of
heart and whose speech is gracious, the king is his friend.” -
Proverbs 22:11
If you choose to make
sure that your heart is pure with God's help, and if you speak as God
wants for you to speak with God's help, then God will elevate you to
high places and you will speak to people who are in high positions.
When you get to speak to those people, always use those times as
opportunities to glorify God, and never compromise on speaking His
words, even if it means you don't get more opportunities to speak to
those people.
“Oil and perfume make
the heart glad, so a man's counsel is sweet to his friend.” -
Proverbs 27:9
The counsel of a friend
or someone you think is a friend sounds good. Make sure that it's
wise counsel. You can only know whether it's wise by comparing it to
God's Word.
“Do not forsake your
own friend or your father's friend, and do not go to your brother's
house in the day of your calamity; better is a neighbor who is near
than a brother far away.” - Proverbs 27:10
If you have a true
friend, or your father has a true friend, then never forsake (utterly
abandon) that friend. Carry on those connections from generation to
generation. Continue building a network of warriors for God.
“He who blesses his
friend with a loud voice early in the morning, it will reckoned a
curse to him.” - Proverbs 27:14
No one who is in their
right mind wants to anyone to be speaking loudly when they first wake
up. Speak the way that you want to be spoken to. The way that we say
things is just as important as what we say.
“Say to wisdom, 'You
are my sister,' and call understanding your intimate friend;” -
Proverbs 7:4
We all need godly wisdom,
knowledge, and understanding. Even though they're not people – they
are things and are obviously personified here – they can be like
true friends to us, and we should value them just as we should value
true friends.
“And the Scripture was
fulfilled which says, 'And Abraham believed God, and it was reckoned
to him as righteousness,' and he was called the friend of God.” -
James 2:23
If you read and study
Holy Scripture, then you will find out that Abraham proved that he
believed God by his obedience – in other words, by his good works.
God credited it to him as righteousness. God considered Abraham
righteous because Abraham believed – trusted – God. When we do
what God tells us to do, then we prove that we trust God. When we
disobey Him, then we are proving that we are not trusting Him at that
time. We're saying by our actions, “God, I don't believe that Your
way is the best way. There's another way that I want to do this, and
I think it's better.” Abraham's good works didn't save him, of
course – we who are Christians know that. But his good works proved
that he had that saving faith – that he trusted God, and believed
what God said. Why would we believe another person instead of God?
Why would we let another person's opinion of us be a reason to sin
against God? They are only human. They are not as smart as God, as
wise as God – they're not omniscient (all-knowing), omnipotent
(all-powerful), of the Supreme Judge over all of us. They're humans –
mere mortals; they're going to die one day and face judgment before
God, just like we are. Who are they to tell us what we should and
shouldn't do? Whatever it may cost, we should obey God rather than
man. Abraham almost always did, and he was, and is, called the friend
of God. God wants to be the best friend to you that you could ever
have, and He will be, if you'll let him, by trying your best with His
help to live in obedience to Him. It's an honor and a privilege to
have God as your best friend. But it's also an honor for you to live
in such a way that God calls you His friend – for Him to say that
YOU are a friend to HIM. And God revealed His plans to Abraham and
told Abraham what He was going to do before He did it, because
Abraham was a friend of God.
“You adulteresses, do
you not know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God?
Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an
enemy of God.” - James 4:4
There's a spiritual war going on all
over the world, whether we like it or not, and friendship with the
world is hostility toward God. Think military hostilities, in a war
against God that you can't win. If you want the “peace” that the
world gives, which is merely the absence of conflict, and only on the
surface, because the conflict is still always there just beneath the
surface, then you're fighting a losing battle and working for
something that you'll never be able to achieve. On the other hand,
friendship with God means that the world will be hostile toward you.
But the weapons of our warfare are things such as love, joy, peace,
patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and
self-control (Galatians 5:22-23); and being strong in the Lord and in
the strength of His might, putting on truth, righteousness, the
preparation of the Gospel of peace, faith, salvation, and the sword
of the Spirit, which is the word of God, with all prayer and petition
praying at all times in the Spirit, and with this in view, being on
the alert with all perseverance and petition for all the saints
(Ephesians 6:10-18). “For though we walk in the flesh, we do not
war according to the flesh, for the weapons of our warfare are not of
the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses.
We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up
against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive
to the obedience of Christ.” - 2 Corinthians 10:3-5.